Wednesday, August 24, 2011


For several weeks now, I have made the trip to my mailbox as soon as I arrived home each day.  Before opening the box, I would say a little prayer in my mind.  Either there would be no large envelope addressed to me in my handwriting, or there would be.  Over the weeks, with no large envelope, I hovered between hope and dejection.  I had hope as one agent had requested that I resubmit my work after a few changes.  I made the changes and off it went back to her.  Then weeks of waiting followed.  Today, had been one of 'those' days at work...of course.  I came home and followed the usual ritual.  My heart dropped when I saw the large envelope.  A small part of me, I have to admit, was relieved.  I had my answer at last.  I could move on.  Right.  Then I saw the look on my husband's face as he anxiously awaited my news.  That just made me feel worse when I had to say it was a rejection. 
I didn't open it right away.  I did the dishes, cleaned around the house, ate some pizza, and then could put it off no longer.  I slid the material out and found that the agent had once again written a note to some feedback and things to change....ending with 'please resubmit to me.'
One of the notes told me to take the first 7 pages of my baby and put it into one and a half pages.  What?!  I liked those did my critique partners.  But I knew that in a few days, I would sit myself down and attempt to do that.  After all, agents know best.... right?  And then I recall watching two interviews with published had been rejected 54 times and one had been rejected 90 times...but  both books had sold on the 55th and 91st submissions.  Wow.  That's what is ahead of me?  I have to feel the pain and loss at least 73 times? (splitting the difference in those two!)
Does she like it?  Is there any hope?  She fell in love with my hero the first time.  Now I have to cut seven of his scenes?  Is the door still open because she wants me to resubmit?  Once again, I have more questions than answers.
I do know that I am continuing to write.  It would be easier to throw it all in a drawer for another ten years....but the characters in this book and in the other 6 books in various stages of writing will not go away!  They barge into my daily life and want my attention.  Dejected, rejected.....but not defeated.  I will be back at the laptop....making the changes....and once more waiting beside the mailbox.

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